Date Rape: The Importance of Consent
Believe it or not, most rapes – 85 percent* – are committed by someone the victim knows. These rapes are just as damaging to the victim as a rape by a stranger, and can be even MORE damaging.
*U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, National Institute of Justice, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings From the National Violence Against Women Survey. November 1998.
What is date rape?
Date Rape is the act of forcing sex on a date without their consent. The rapist could be anyone you go out with: a friend, classmate, neighbor, a friend of a friend, a relative – or he could be your boyfriend. Rape occurs when one individual forces, coerces, or manipulates another individual to have sexual intercourse against the other person’s will and without consent. It is also known as acquaintance rape – rape that occurs when an individual is forced to have sexual intercourse with someone she knows – and doesn’t only happen on dates.
What if a girl leads a guy on – doesn’t that imply that she’s giving consent?
NO. No matter what clothes a girl is wearing, how much they may be kissing, or how long you have been dating, there is no consent unless it has been specifically given.
So what IS consent?
Consent can only be given by a person who does not feel pressured or coerced, and who is not under the influence of drugs or alcohol. If you or your partner feels pressured or intimidated to have sex, then you have NOT established consent and any sexual activity is sexual assault. Not saying or hearing a “no,” does not mean “yes”. If you are not sure, ASK!
Wouldn’t it be weird to ask a girl for her consent? Can’t you just assume she’s giving consent at some point?
No – asking her shows that you care about her feelings, and respect her decisions. That’s not weird; it’s actually kind of romantic.
What exactly is coercion?
Date Rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally – some emotional tactics include: threats to reputation, threats to “not like you”, name calling, saying you “brought it on” or “really want it”, threats to break up and threats to say you “did it” even if you didn’t.
Can guys get raped?
Yes – guys can, and do, get raped. One in 33 men will be raped in their lifetime. They are almost always committed by other heterosexual men.
Do drugs or alcohol play a big part in date rape?
If a person has had too much to drink or is on drugs they can not legally consent to sex, so having sex with them is legally rape. Additionally, if you have too much to drink, it is more difficult for the victim to be aware of risky situations, or to get away safely. There are certain “date rape” drugs that render the victim unconscious and limit memory; using these drugs on somebody is not only “date rape”, it’s also a federal crime with a possible 20 year sentence (under the Drug-Induced Rape Prevention and Punishment Act of 1996.)