Dating Violence: answer these questions honestly!
About 3 out of 4 dating relationships of high school students in Nevada County are healthy ones. Yours should be, too!
- Are you ever frightened of your partner’s temper?
- Does he/she get jealous when you hang out with other friends or your family? Have you stopped hanging out with them to keep your partner from getting mad?
- Does your partner want to spend all of their time with you?
- Has your partner said “I love you” early in the relationship, before you’ve really had time to get to know each other? Does he/she demand the same commitment from you?
- Is the person you are dating really nice sometimes and really mean other times? Does your partner make promises to change, but it never lasts very long?
- Are you afraid to say “no” or disagree with your partner? Are you afraid to break up with your partner?
- Does your partner embarrass you, call you names, or make you feel stupid, either in private or in front of friends? Does your partner tell you that you don’t have a sense of humor, or are making a big deal out of nothing when you complain about it?
- When the person you’re dating gets angry, does he/she tell you that “you make them” act that way that they do? Or say that they can’t help it if they have a short temper?
- Does your partner constantly check up on you? Question you about where you’re going, who you’re spending time with, and what you’re doing? Page you all the time to check up on you and expect you to answer his/her pages immediately?
- Are you embarrassed to tell you friends/family about how your partner treats you? Do you apologize to others for his/her behavior?
- Do you feel pressured or forced into having sex? Does your partner make you feel guilty if you say “no” to sex? (i.e. “if you loved me, you’d do it” or “if you don’t, I’ll find someone else who will”)
- Do you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough for your partner?
Has your partner ever threatened to commit suicide or hurt him/herself if you break up with him/her?
- Does your partner ever blame alcohol or drugs for his/her behavior?
Have been hit, kicked or shoved by your partner? Even once?
- When you grew up, did your father ever hit or scare your mother? Were you physically or emotionally abused as a child?
If you’ve nodded your head to two or more, you may be in an abusive relationship.
You are not alone
Many people are so ashamed of being abused that they will not tell even their closest friends. The abuser often isolates the victim of threatens her with harm if she does tell anyone. It is a great relief to find out there are many others dealing with abuse.
It is not your fault
We’ve all heard the phrase, “You made me do it,” or “You pushed my buttons.” Usually the abuser blames the victim for the abuse, guilt-tripping the victim. This is the number one cause for lower self-image in victims. Abuse is never the fault of the victim; people are always responsible for their own actions.
If it feels scary, it’s abuse
If you are touched in a personal way that feels scary to you, then it’s abuse. If you are touched in a personal way that feels uncomfortable with you, then it’s abuse. If you are touched in a personal way that feels bad to you, then it’s abuse.
If you are the victim of a teen batterer…
Talk to your parents if you can, or tell a friend, teacher, counselor or relative.
Contact the DVSAC to help you make a safety plan.
As a minor, you can get a restraining order. For help with a restraining order, contact DVSAC.
Give us a call, anytime, on our 24-hour crisis line: 272-3467. You don’t have to give us your name. We can give you more information to help you decide, or we can talk about what you can do to keep yourself safe.