Transforming Our Culture of Violence

 

TCV 2

This training will focus on:
Deconstructing our conscious or unconscious culture of violence
Future trainings will focus on:
Ways to move away from perpetuating that violence and
Communicating in a language of a balanced human system

This training will benefit first responders, community agency staff members and volunteers, parents, and anyone in any form of relationship.

This training has already started. If you’d like to participate in future trainings, please contact Frank McClain. Contact information below. We are in the midst of trying to get the sessions to be on-going.

Schedule:

Training for Women
Introductory Seminar:
Saturday, January 14 or 21, 2017 9:30am-1:00pm

Six Weekly Training Sessions:
Wednesdays, 6:30pm-9:00pm
January 25, February 1, 8, 15, 22, March 1

Training for Men
Introductory Seminar:
Saturday, January 14 or 21, 2017 1:30pm-5:00pm

Six Weekly Training Sessions:
Tuesdays, 6:30pm-9:00pm
January 24, 31 February 7, 14, 21, 28

$75 general community members * DVSAC clients will receive full scholarship support

No one will be turned away
Sliding scale and scholarships available

Training will be held at DVSAC:
Brighton Greens Office Park
960 McCourtney Road, Suite F
Grass Valley, CA 95949

To Register, Please Contact:
Frank McClain * frank.mc@comcast.net * (415) 847-8730

Frank McClain was the originator and lead facilitator for the 12 –week Bay Area Violence Prevention Skills Training series entitled “Conscious Collaboration. For 23 years he has facilitated a variety of groups focused on personal growth and empowerment.

Frank McClain was the originator and lead facilitator for the 12 –week Bay Area Violence Prevention Skills Training series entitled “Conscious Collaboration”. For 23 years he has facilitated a variety of groups focused on personal growth and empowerment.

 

Share...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someonePrint this page

A Call to Men- April 29th

Calling all Fathers, Coaches, Educators, and Leaders!

call to men logo

Fellas,

When it comes to ending violence against women, well-meaning men can’t just be on the sidelines. It’s time to get in the game!

Join Ernest Brown of WEAVE, Inc. Voices Against Violence for a community discussion on how we got here and ways to change!


“Tough Guise II”

Wednesday, April 29, 2015
6:00 p.m.- 8:00 p.m

Science Lecture Hall at Nevada Union
11761 Ridge Road, Grass Valley, CA 95945

 For more information and to RSVP call (530) 272-2046

 

Download the Flyer here

 

 

 

 

Share...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someonePrint this page

Domestic Violence Against Men

How to Know if You’re a Victim of Domestic Violence

Women and children are not the only ones subjected to domestic violence. Men can be victims of domestic violence as well.

The one defining characteristic of most abused men is that they are extremely embarrassed by their predicament. Most men who want to reach out are scared of being laughed at or scorned. They don’t want to be portrayed as weak and cowardly. This is simply not true. All types of men are subject to the same types of abuse as women, including physical abuse. These abuses range from a slap in the face to a kitchen knife being plunged into a husband’s stomach while sleeping to being run down by his wife who was driving the family vehicle. Men also report emotional and sexual abuse, including threats and insults, withholding money, controlling personal activities, attempts to change him, unwanted sexual touching, forced sexual activity and sexual degradation.

There are signs that the men are victims of domestic violence and they are much, much similar to the signs of domestic violence against women. Here are just some of these signs (for purposes of clarity, we have placed the woman as the abuser, the signs are very much applicable to women-victims):

  • The woman calls the man bad names, insults him (publicly or privately) and tries to put him down every chance she has.
  • The woman tries to stop the man from going to work or to public places. She also tries to prevent him from seeing his family members and friends.
  • The woman is possessive and / or jealous and she tries to control her man in terms of the clothes he will wear, the money he will spend and the places he can go to.
  • The woman threatens the man with violence and harm, particularly when she is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
  • The woman actually hits or hurts the man by kicking, punching, slapping, shoving or choking him. Or the woman may do the same thing to their children or pets.
  • The woman takes advantage of the man sleeping or resting and assaults him when he is in no position to defend himself.
  • The woman threatens to leave the man and to take their children with her if he will attempt to go against her or to fight back.
  • Despite all of the above, the woman blames the man for her behavior!

Here are some things you can do if you experience violence in your home:

  1. Tell friends you trust. Talk to another man if possible.
  2. Make safety arrangements such as organizing a safe place to go, changing your phone number and locks.
  3. Call DVSAC’s 24hr crisis line or the national hotline and talk to a worker. Find out your legal rights.
  4. DVSAC: 530.272.3467  NATIONAL HOTLINE: (800) 799-SAFE
  5. Have witnesses when possible. Take notes of all she does.
  6. Protect the kids! Women who abuse men more often than not abuse the children too. Call 911.

 

Share...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someonePrint this page

Male Survivors of Sexual Assault

(Courtesy of Men Can Stop Rape)

What you should know… about men who have been sexually assaulted
Rape is a men’s issue for many reasons. One we don’t often talk about is the fact that men are sexually assaulted. We need to start recognizing the presence of male survivors and acknowledging their unique experience. The following questions and answers can help us all learn about male survivors so that we stop treating them as invisible and start helping them heal:

1. How often are men sexually assaulted?
While the numbers vary from study to study, most research suggests that 10-20 percent of all males will be sexually violated at some point in their lifetimes. That translates into tens of thousands of boys and men assaulted each year alongside hundreds of thousands of girls and women. (DVSAC NOTE: Statistics from the 1998 report by the US Department of Justice show that 1 out of 33 men are sexually assaulted in their lifetime.)

2. If there are so many male survivors, why don’t I know any?
Like female survivors, most male survivors never report being assaulted, even to people they know and trust. They fear being ignored, laughed at, disbelieved, shamed, accused of weakness, or questioned about being gay. Perhaps worst of all, men fear being blamed for the assault because they were not “man enough” to protect themselves in the face of an attack. For all these reasons, many male survivors remain silent and alone rather than risk further violation by those around them.

3. Can a woman sexually assault a man?
Yes, but it’s not nearly as common as male-on-male assault. A recent study shows that more than 86% of male survivors are sexually abused by another male. That is not to say, however, that we should overlook boys or men who are victimized by females. It may be tempting to dismiss such experiences as wanted sexual initiation (especially in the case of an older female assaulting a younger male), but the reality is that the impact of female-on-male assault can be just as damaging.

4. Don’t only men in prison get raped?
While prison rape is a serious problem and a serious crime, many male survivors are assaulted in everyday environments (at parties, at home, at church, at school, on the playground), often by people they know — friends, teammates, relatives, teachers, clergy, bosses, partners. As with female survivors, men are also sometimes raped by strangers. These situations tend to be more violent and more often involve a group of attackers rather than a single offender.

5. How does rape affect men differently from women?
Rape affects men in many ways similar to women. Anxiety, anger, sadness, confusion, fear, numbness, self-blame, helplessness, hopelessness, suicidal feelings and shame are common reactions of both male and female survivors. In some ways, though, men react uniquely to being sexually assaulted. Immediately after an assault, men may show more hostility and aggression rather than tearfulness and fear. Over time, they may also question their sexual identity, act out in a sexually aggressive manner, and even downplay the impact of the assault.

6. Don’t men who get raped become rapists?
NO! This is a destructive myth that often adds to the anxiety a male survivor feels after being assaulted. Because of this misinformation, it is common for a male survivor to fear that he is now destined to do to others what was done to him. While many convicted sex offenders have a history of being sexually abused, most male survivors do not become offenders. The truth is that the great majority of male survivors have never and will never sexually assault anyone.

7. If a man is raped by another man, does it mean he’s gay?
NO, again! While gay men can be raped (often by straight men), a man getting raped by another man says nothing about his sexual orientation before the assault, nor does it change his sexual orientation afterwards. Rape is primarily prompted by anger or a desire to harm, intimidate or dominate, rather than by sexual attraction or a rapist’s assumption about his intended victim’s sexual preference. Because of society’s confusion about the role that attraction plays in sexual assault and about whether victims are responsible for provoking an assault, even heterosexual male survivors may worry that they somehow gave off “gay vibes” that the rapist picked up and acted upon. For a gay man, especially one who is not yet out of the closet, the possibility that he is broadcasting his “secret sexual identity” to others without even knowing it can be particularly upsetting.

8. How should I respond if a man I know tells me he has been assaulted?
While there may be some differences in how rape impacts a male versus a female survivor of sexual assault, the basics of supporting survivors are the same for men as for women. Believe him. Know what your community’s resources are and help him explore his options. Don’t push and don’t blame. Ask him what he wants and listen. Be cautious about physical contact until he’s ready. Get help for yourself.

9. Where can male survivors go for help?
Every community has its own services for survivors of sexual violence, including local or campus-based rape crisis centers. Most of these places have on-site counselors trained in working with male survivors or can refer men who have been assaulted to professionals in the area who can help. Know the resources in your area so you will be prepared to help male survivors heal.

– Jonathan C. Stillerman, Ph.D, is a Washington, D.C., psychotherapist and co-director of MCSR. Read more about him on the Men Can Stop Rape website (www.mencanstoprape.org)

10. Where can I learn more?
On Male survivors:
Male on Male Rape: “The Hidden Toll of Stigma and Shame” By Michael Scarce.
For Male Survivors website
On sexual minorities and hate crimes:
Communities United Against Violence

Share...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someonePrint this page

Stopping Rape: What Men Can Do

(Courtesy of Men Can Stop Rape)

All men can play a vital role in rape prevention. Here are a few of the ways:

Be aware of language
Words are very powerful, especially when spoken by people with power over others. We live in a society in which words are often used to put women down, where calling a girl or woman a “bitch,” “freak,” “whore,” “baby,” or “dog” is common. Such language sends a message that females are less than fully human. When we see women as inferior, it becomes easier to treat them with less respect, disregard their rights, and ignore their well-being.

Communicate
Sexual violence often goes hand in hand with poor communication. Our discomfort with talking honestly and openly about sex dramatically raises the risk of rape. By learning effective sexual communication — stating your desires clearly, listening to your partner, and asking when the situation is unclear — men make sex safer for themselves and others.

Speak Up
You will probably never see a rape in progress, but you will see and hear attitudes and behaviors that degrade women and promote rape. When your best friend tells a joke about rape, say you don’t find it funny. When you read an article that blames a rape survivor for being assaulted, write a letter to the editor. When laws are proposed that limit women’s rights, let politicians know that you won’t support them. Do anything but remain silent.

Support Survivors of Rape
Rape will not be taken seriously until everyone knows how common it is. In the U.S. alone, more than one million women and girls are raped each year (Rape in America, 1992). By learning to sensitively support survivors in their lives, men can help both women and other men feel safer to speak out about being raped and let the world know how serious a problem rape is.

Contribute Your Time and Money
Join or donate to an organization working to prevent violence against women. Rape crisis centers, domestic violence agencies, and men’s anti-rape groups count on donations for their survival and always need volunteers to share the workload.

Talk With Women…
about how the risk of being raped affects their daily lives; about how they want to be supported if it has happened to them; about what they think men can do to prevent sexual violence. If you’re willing to listen, you can learn a lot from women about the impact of rape and how to stop it.

Talk With Men…
about how it feels to be seen as a potential rapist; about the fact that 10-20% of all males will be sexually abused in their lifetimes; about whether they know someone who’s been raped. Learn about how sexual violence touches the lives of men and what we can do to stop it.

Organize
Form your own organization of men focused on stopping sexual violence. Men’s anti-rape groups are becoming more and more common around the country, especially on college campuses. If you have the time and the drive, it is a wonderful way to make a difference in your community.

Work Against Other Oppressions
Rape feeds off many other forms of prejudice — including racism, homophobia, and religious discrimination. By speaking out against any beliefs and behaviors, including rape, that promote one group of people as superior to another and deny other groups their full humanity, you support everyone’s equality.

Don’t Ever Have Sex With Anyone Against Their Will!
No matter what. Although statistics show most men never rape, the overwhelming majority of rapists are male. Make a promise to yourself to be a different kind of man — one who values equality and whose strength is not used for hurting.

Share...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someonePrint this page

Supporting Survivors

(Courtesy of Men Can Stop Rape)

When someone says, “I was raped”…

Believe Them
It is not your role to question whether a rape occurred but to be there to ease the pain. The fact is that false rape reports are no more nor less common than false reports for other violent crimes.

Help Them Explore Their Options
Don’t take charge of the situation and pressure the rape survivor to do what you think they should. That’s what the rapist did. Give them the freedom to choose a path of recovery that is comfortable for them, even if you’d do it differently. Remember, there is no one right way for a survivor to respond after being assaulted. HELP them explore their options. Don’t take charge of the situation and pressure the rape survivor to do what you think they should. That’s what the rapist did. Give them the freedom to choose a path of recovery that is comfortable for them, even if you’d do it differently. Remember, there is no one right way for a survivor to respond after being assaulted.

Listen to Them
It is crucial that you let survivors in your lives know that they can talk to you about their experience when they are ready. Some may not wish to speak with you immediately, but at some point during the healing process, it is likely that the survivor will come to you for support. When that happens, don’t interrupt, or yell, or inject your feelings. Just open your ears to the pain of being raped. Your caring but silent attention will be invaluable. LISTEN to them.

Never Blame Them for Being Assaulted
No one ever deserves to be raped. No matter what they wore, how many times they had sex before, whether they were walking alone at night, whether they got drunk, if they were married, or whether they went up to the perpetrator’s room. Even if the survivor feels responsible, say clearly and caringly that being raped wasn’t their fault.

Ask Before You Touch
Don’t assume that physical contact, even in the form of a gentle touch or hug, will be comforting to a survivor. Many survivors, especially within the first weeks after an assault, prefer to avoid sex or simple touching even by those they love and trust. Be patient, give them the space they need, and try your best not to take it personally. One way to signal to the survivor that you are open to giving physical comfort is to sit with an open posture and a hand palm up nearby.

Recognize That You’ve Been Assaulted Too
We can’t help but be hurt when someone we love is made to suffer. Don’t blame yourself for the many feelings you will likely have in response to learning that someone close to you has been raped. Sadness, confusion, anger, helplessness, fear, guilt, disappointment, shock, anxiety, desperation, and compassion are all common reactions for survivors and their significant others. Being aware of these emotions may ultimately help you better understand the survivor’s experience and support them more effectively.

Get Help For Yourself
Whether you reach out to a friend, family member, counselor, religious official, etc…, make sure you don’t go through this experience alone. Most rape crisis centers (INCLUDING DVSAC!) offer counseling for significant others and family members – they realize that the impact of rape extends far beyond the survivor. Keeping all your feelings inside will only make you less able to be there for the survivor. Remember, getting help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Share...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someonePrint this page