Transforming Our Culture of Violence

 

TCV 2

This training will focus on:
Deconstructing our conscious or unconscious culture of violence
Future trainings will focus on:
Ways to move away from perpetuating that violence and
Communicating in a language of a balanced human system

This training will benefit first responders, community agency staff members and volunteers, parents, and anyone in any form of relationship.

This training has already started. If you’d like to participate in future trainings, please contact Frank McClain. Contact information below. We are in the midst of trying to get the sessions to be on-going.

Schedule:

Training for Women
Introductory Seminar:
Saturday, January 14 or 21, 2017 9:30am-1:00pm

Six Weekly Training Sessions:
Wednesdays, 6:30pm-9:00pm
January 25, February 1, 8, 15, 22, March 1

Training for Men
Introductory Seminar:
Saturday, January 14 or 21, 2017 1:30pm-5:00pm

Six Weekly Training Sessions:
Tuesdays, 6:30pm-9:00pm
January 24, 31 February 7, 14, 21, 28

$75 general community members * DVSAC clients will receive full scholarship support

No one will be turned away
Sliding scale and scholarships available

Training will be held at DVSAC:
Brighton Greens Office Park
960 McCourtney Road, Suite F
Grass Valley, CA 95949

To Register, Please Contact:
Frank McClain * frank.mc@comcast.net * (415) 847-8730

Frank McClain was the originator and lead facilitator for the 12 –week Bay Area Violence Prevention Skills Training series entitled “Conscious Collaboration. For 23 years he has facilitated a variety of groups focused on personal growth and empowerment.

Frank McClain was the originator and lead facilitator for the 12 –week Bay Area Violence Prevention Skills Training series entitled “Conscious Collaboration”. For 23 years he has facilitated a variety of groups focused on personal growth and empowerment.

 

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For More Information

We provide services and information to family members as well as victims of dating violence.

Call 272-3467 for help and information.

Web links on information for teens

There are several sites just for teens that we’ve put on our teen page that are equally informative for parents.

For additional information, look at the following sites:

SAFESTATE
This is a project of the California Attorney General’s Crime and Violence Prevention Center. This site contains useful, practical information on violence and prevention for homes, neighborhoods, schools and communities.

National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
NYVPRC is a central source of information on violence committed by and against children and teens. The resource center is a collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and other federal agencies. This website, along with their call center (1-866-SAFEYOUTH, or 1-866- 723-3968), provide information on youth violence prevention and suicide.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
The goal of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy is to reduce the rate of teen pregnancy by one-third between 1996 and 2005. You’ll find information here targeted for both parents and teens.

Drug Information Resources

The use of drugs is not a necessary component of sexual or dating violence. But if you do suspect that drugs may be playing a part in your teen’s problems, here are some links that may help:

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Date Rape: What You Need to Know

Date Rape is a crime that is rarely reported, yet takes place frequently right here in Nevada County.

ONE OUT OF EVERY THREE SEXUAL ASSAULTS THAT WE SEE IS A YOUTH BETWEEN 12 AND 17 YEARS OLD.

A sexual act is considered rape if it takes place without consent freely given. No matter what.
No matter what the circumstances are, what clothes were worn, where it took place, or any other factor changes the fact that without consent, a sexual act is rape.

A sexual act with any individual under 18 is Statutory Rape.
Statutory Rape is defined as sexual intercourse with a person under 18 (California Penal Code 261.5).
According to the law, consent cannot be given if the individual is under 18. This law is to protect our daughters from being manipulated or coerced into having sex.

Why teens don’t tell their parents (or other adults) if they have been raped
We can’t even pretend to know all of the reasons. But we have heard a few of them more than once:

  • She had been drinking. Teens know that drinking alcohol is against the law, and are worried that the rape was their fault if they were drunk. Let them know that they can talk to you even if they do something that they know is wrong.
  • No one will believe her. There are many reasons teens are worried that they won’t be believed. If the rapist is her boyfriend, others might think she gave consent and she’s lying about it. Another common reason is that it’s someone the family knows and likes, and can’t imagine him as a rapist. Let her know that you will believe her, no matter what she tells you.
  • You’ll be upset or disappointed in her. Teens can be very protective of their parents, and don’t want to upset them, or give them something else to worry about. Teens also want their parents to feel proud of them, and feel that their parents can trust them. Reassure her that you can support her in any situation that she might be in, and that you can go to other resources in the community if you need help. Let her know that you love and support her no matter what happens.

Read Date Rape: the Importance of Consent to learn more about Date Rape.

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Talking With Your Teens

Talk With Your Teen – But Listen More Than You Talk
When it comes to tough subjects, teens have a hard time talking to their parents. Many teens are protective of their parents’ feelings and don’t want to upset them. And most parents have a hard time listening without reacting, judging, or wanting to tell our teens what to do. We, as parents, need to learn to listen, and help our teens come to their own decisions. Here are some suggestions:

Learn To Really Listen
Teens know when you’re listening, and when you’re not. Even if it’s a difficult topic to listen to, give your teen your undivided attention. Don’t interrupt. Don’t worry about what you are going to say or how you’re going to respond. Focus on what they are telling you and listen the entire time they’re talking.

Stay Calm
You may be upset, but it’s important that you remain calm. Your teen needs your support, and if you are as upset as they are, you won’t be able to provide it. It’s not easy for your teen to come to you with a big problem. Take a deep breath and try to speak in a normal tone. It’s okay not to know what to say right away, but let them know that you will help them work through the situation and be there for them no matter how long it takes.

Remind Your Teen That You Love Them
Teens need reassurance. You might be disappointed, upset or angry at the situations they have gotten in to or the choices they have made, but remember to tell your teen that you are there to help and support them, not to judge and punish them.

Take Appropriate Action
Depending on what occurred and how severe the situation is, sit down with your teen and ask what ideas they have to help them (and you) move forward. Reassure your teen that if necessary, you will locate outside resources or additional information to assist them in reaching a decision. Remember, your teen may need counseling. You can always call us (272-3467) day or night, for advice or information, including support groups for teens.

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Sexual Assault Violence That’s Not About Sex

What is sexual assault?

Sexual assault is an act in which sex is used as a weapon. Sexual harassment, incest, molestation, indecent exposure, and rape are all examples of sexual assault. They all include unwanted, forced sexual contact, and they are all against the law.

What do you mean, it’s not about sex?

Sexual assault is about asserting power and control over another person. Sex is only a method that is used to show the perpetrator’s power over the victim. It is about violence and power, not about sex. Sex is used as a means to demean and humiliate the victim.

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Dating Violence: What It Is and How You Can Tell

What is Dating Violence?
Teen dating violence is a pattern of controlling behavior that someone uses against a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It’s not just hitting or other physical violence: it includes put-downs, intimidation, jealousy, and other kinds of behavior.

No relationship is perfect, and everyone gets angry or jealous sometimes. What makes it abuse?
In a healthy relationship, both people have an equal say in how they spend their time together. Each person’s thoughts and feelings are important and valued. They respect and like each other for who they are, the way they are. Relationship Abuse, or Dating Violence, occurs when a person feels that they need to maintain Power and Control over their partner. The relationship is no longer equal, and behavior is used to keep the other person “in check”.

What kinds of behavior?
Abusive behavior comes in several forms. None of these behaviors show respect or love, and none are present in healthy relationships.

Physical
Kicking, punching, shoving, slapping, pushing, scratching, choking, disrespectful touching, use of physical strength to intimidate/threaten, and any other act which assaults your body.

Sexual
Calling you sexual names, criticizing your body parts, wanting sex after hitting, acting indifferent during sex, fear of saying “no”, threatening to get a new girlfriend, painful or unsafe sex, forced or pressured sexual acts, including rape.

Emotional & Verbal
Intimidating you, scaring or threatening you. Calling you names, yelling, putting you down, and other assaults against your self-esteem. Being blamed for your partners’ own faults.

Psychological
Acting in ways that leave you feeling as if you are “going crazy”.

What is the Cycle of Violence?
On the Oprah show (April 17, 2003) a teenage girl was in an abusive dating relationship. The guest speaker, Dr. Jill Murray, told her with great detail what her relationship was probably like. The teenager was amazed: she said that was EXACTLY what was going on, and wondered how she could possibly know. Dr. Murray wasn’t psychic; she simply knew about the Cycle of Violence, which occurs in EVERY abusive relationship.

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