Transforming Our Culture of Violence

 

TCV 2

This training will focus on:
Deconstructing our conscious or unconscious culture of violence
Future trainings will focus on:
Ways to move away from perpetuating that violence and
Communicating in a language of a balanced human system

This training will benefit first responders, community agency staff members and volunteers, parents, and anyone in any form of relationship.

This training has already started. If you’d like to participate in future trainings, please contact Frank McClain. Contact information below. We are in the midst of trying to get the sessions to be on-going.

Schedule:

Training for Women
Introductory Seminar:
Saturday, January 14 or 21, 2017 9:30am-1:00pm

Six Weekly Training Sessions:
Wednesdays, 6:30pm-9:00pm
January 25, February 1, 8, 15, 22, March 1

Training for Men
Introductory Seminar:
Saturday, January 14 or 21, 2017 1:30pm-5:00pm

Six Weekly Training Sessions:
Tuesdays, 6:30pm-9:00pm
January 24, 31 February 7, 14, 21, 28

$75 general community members * DVSAC clients will receive full scholarship support

No one will be turned away
Sliding scale and scholarships available

Training will be held at DVSAC:
Brighton Greens Office Park
960 McCourtney Road, Suite F
Grass Valley, CA 95949

To Register, Please Contact:
Frank McClain * frank.mc@comcast.net * (415) 847-8730

Frank McClain was the originator and lead facilitator for the 12 –week Bay Area Violence Prevention Skills Training series entitled “Conscious Collaboration. For 23 years he has facilitated a variety of groups focused on personal growth and empowerment.

Frank McClain was the originator and lead facilitator for the 12 –week Bay Area Violence Prevention Skills Training series entitled “Conscious Collaboration”. For 23 years he has facilitated a variety of groups focused on personal growth and empowerment.

 

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DVSAC Joins Global Campaign

One Billion Rising to Stop Violence Against Women and Girls

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On February 14th, 2015 at 1:00pm, DVSAC and Nevada County will join with activists around the world for ONE BILLION RISING, the global activist movement to end violence against women and girls.

ONE BILLION RISING began as a call to action based on the staggering statistic that 1 in 3 women on the planet will experience sexual or physical violence during her lifetime. With the world population at 7 billion, this adds up to more than ONE BILLION WOMEN AND GIRLS. DVSAC and Nevada County will join activists, writers, thinkers, celebrities, and women and men across the world as we express their outrage, demand change, strike, dance, and RISE in defiance of the injustices women suffer, demanding an end at last to violence against women.

Nevada County will come together in the downtown Grass Valley Safeway parking lot at 1:00pm will begin a procession of walking and dancing down the street towards the Gold Miners Inn- Holiday Inn Express. At 1:30 there will be a reception and 2:00 we will have a celebration. We will come together as a community to let everyone know we refuse to tolerate violence in Nevada County. It will not happen here. It will not happen to those we love.

One billion daughters, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, lovers and friends. We are inviting YOU to join us and ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP and DEMAND an end to this violence. One billion rising will move the earth, activating women and men to dance across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers and our solidarity across borders. Join V-Day and ONE BILLION RISING today and SAY NO to violence against women and girls. To learn more about the global movement, visit www.onebillionrising.org. To learn more about V-Day and its campaigns, visit www.vday.org.

ONE BILLION RISING IS:
A global strike
An invitation to dance
A call to men and women to refuse to participate in the status quo until rape and rape culture ends
An act of solidarity, demonstrating to women the commonality of their struggles and their power in numbers
A refusal to accept violence against women and girls as a given
A new time and a new way of being

info

For more information: riseup@onebillionrisingnevadacounty.org
www.onebillionrisingnevadacounty.org

 

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RAD Registration

RAD Systems Registration

Basic Self-Defense Course for Women in Nevada County

Please download and fill out a wellness information form for each participant and bring on the first day of class.

Girls under 18 must be at least 12 years old and have a signed parental consent form.

 

Back to R.A.D. of Nevada County info

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Free Yoga Class for Survivors

Restorative yoga is like a nap, but better…

Many of us have forgotten how to relax deeply, especially if you have been living with stress or trauma for long periods of time. This is a lovely way to help remember that relaxation is essential to living a healthy life. It’s like pressing the reset button in your nervous system, and is key to unlocking held trauma from the body’s memory. Using breath and body awareness, we will gentlyand deeply release tension and build energy in deficient areas of the body. By retaining the body, breath and mind to relax for a prolonged period of time, you will sleep better, react to stress with ease and even communicate better, especially if you practice it regularly.

Classes are being generously donated by Skyler Myers, CAS, PKS, CMT, RYT. She has been on a yogic path for 10 years and currently teaches at Yo’Garage in North San Juan, South Yuba Club and at Common Goals.

Please come join us at DVSAC office- Mondays 3:30pm-4:30pm
Call with questions: (530) 272-2046
960 McCourtney Road
Grass Valley, CA 95949

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How to Help a Friend or Family Member Who’s Been Raped

What you communicate to your friend, daughter, or loved one is extremely important.

What you say, and don’t say, will effect how quickly a rape victim recovers.

DO:

  • Say “I BELIEVE YOU.”
  • Tell her “IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.”
  • LISTEN. She will need someone to talk to, who won’t criticize her judgment, show disgust instead of support, or be overly curious about the details.
  • SUPPORT the victim’s decisions. Sexual assault takes control away from the victim; it is important that any decision be made by the victim herself, without pressure.
  • EDUCATE YOURSELF. Read the other links concerning sexual assault, including Rape Trauma Syndrome.
  • SUPPORT her healing no matter how long it takes. Survivors will often try to protect their loved ones by hiding their symptoms, knowing that it hurts you to seem them in pain. Reassure them that you understand that healing is a long process, and that it’s okay for them to be upset when they are around you.
  • GET SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF. Loved ones of a sexual assault victim are secondary survivors of sexual assault. You may experience symptoms similar to hers, such as shock, disbelief, guilt, fear or anger. If you expect yourself to bear the full burden of your loved one’s healing, you may be taking on more than you can handle. Contact us at 272-3467 for information on how we can support you with groups or counseling.

DON’T:

  • DON’T PRESSURE her to make any decision she’s not comfortable with.
  • DON’T ASK BLAMING QUESTIONS, such as “why were you dressed like that?” or “why did you go to that party?” Victims of assault tend to blame themselves, even though it is NEVER THE VICTIM’S FAULT. Other things not to say include “why didn’t you fight him off”, and “didn’t you know you were leading him on?”
  • DON’T encourage her to “PUT THE PAST BEHIND” her or just “get on” with her life. Survivors of sexual assault need to heal on their own time. It can be hard for a friend, partner or parent to watch, but repressing symptoms will only make it harder for the survivor to truly heal.
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Quiz: Am I in an Abusive Relationship?

Dating Violence: answer these questions honestly!

About 3 out of 4 dating relationships of high school students in Nevada County are healthy ones. Yours should be, too!

  • Are you ever frightened of your partner’s temper?
  • Does he/she get jealous when you hang out with other friends or your family? Have you stopped hanging out with them to keep your partner from getting mad?
  • Does your partner want to spend all of their time with you?
  • Has your partner said “I love you” early in the relationship, before you’ve really had time to get to know each other? Does he/she demand the same commitment from you?
  • Is the person you are dating really nice sometimes and really mean other times? Does your partner make promises to change, but it never lasts very long?
  • Are you afraid to say “no” or disagree with your partner? Are you afraid to break up with your partner?
  • Does your partner embarrass you, call you names, or make you feel stupid, either in private or in front of friends? Does your partner tell you that you don’t have a sense of humor, or are making a big deal out of nothing when you complain about it?
  • When the person you’re dating gets angry, does he/she tell you that “you make them” act that way that they do? Or say that they can’t help it if they have a short temper?
  • Does your partner constantly check up on you? Question you about where you’re going, who you’re spending time with, and what you’re doing? Page you all the time to check up on you and expect you to answer his/her pages immediately?
  • Are you embarrassed to tell you friends/family about how your partner treats you? Do you apologize to others for his/her behavior?
  • Do you feel pressured or forced into having sex? Does your partner make you feel guilty if you say “no” to sex? (i.e. “if you loved me, you’d do it” or “if you don’t, I’ll find someone else who will”)
  • Do you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough for your partner?
    Has your partner ever threatened to commit suicide or hurt him/herself if you break up with him/her?
  • Does your partner ever blame alcohol or drugs for his/her behavior?
    Have been hit, kicked or shoved by your partner? Even once?
  • When you grew up, did your father ever hit or scare your mother? Were you physically or emotionally abused as a child?

If you’ve nodded your head to two or more, you may be in an abusive relationship.

You are not alone
Many people are so ashamed of being abused that they will not tell even their closest friends. The abuser often isolates the victim of threatens her with harm if she does tell anyone. It is a great relief to find out there are many others dealing with abuse.

It is not your fault
We’ve all heard the phrase, “You made me do it,” or “You pushed my buttons.” Usually the abuser blames the victim for the abuse, guilt-tripping the victim. This is the number one cause for lower self-image in victims. Abuse is never the fault of the victim; people are always responsible for their own actions.

If it feels scary, it’s abuse
If you are touched in a personal way that feels scary to you, then it’s abuse. If you are touched in a personal way that feels uncomfortable with you, then it’s abuse. If you are touched in a personal way that feels bad to you, then it’s abuse.

If you are the victim of a teen batterer…
Talk to your parents if you can, or tell a friend, teacher, counselor or relative.
Contact the DVSAC to help you make a safety plan.
As a minor, you can get a restraining order. For help with a restraining order, contact DVSAC.

Give us a call, anytime, on our 24-hour crisis line: 272-3467. You don’t have to give us your name. We can give you more information to help you decide, or we can talk about what you can do to keep yourself safe.

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How to Help a Friend Who is in an Abusive Relationship?

  • Talk to your friend and be nonjudgmental when discussing the abuse.
  • Listen to your friend and believe him/her.
  • Let your friend know that violence under any circumstance is unacceptable.
  • Express your understanding, care, concern and support.
  • Point out your friend’s strengths. He or she may not see his or her own abilities and gifts due to the effects of the abuse.
  • Encourage your friend to confide in a trusted adult. Offer to go with him or her for help.
  • Talk to a trusted adult if you believe your friend’s situation is getting worse.
  • Never put yourself in a dangerous situation by being a mediator.
  • Call the police if you witness an assault.

Things Not to Say or Do

  • Don’t be critical of your friend or his/her partner.
  • Don’t ask blaming questions such as: What did you do to provoke him/her? Why don’t you just break up with him/her?
  • Don’t assume that your friend wants to break up with their partner, or act like you know what is best for them.
  • Don’t pressure your friend to make quick decisions. They need to figure things out at their own pace.

(Teen Dating Violence, CVPC, Office of the Attorney General)

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Common Myths About Rape

When a girl says “no,” she really means “yes.”
A lot of guys think a girl just says no because she’s supposed to – and that she can’t say that she wants sex even when she does. And that “no” is just the beginning of negotiating for a “yes”. But a guy doesn’t have the right to make up a girl’s mind for her, or to pressure her to agree.

Girls who get drunk at parties or on dates deserve whatever happens to them.
Getting drunk is not a good idea if you want to keep yourself safe, but it does not make it okay for a guy to take advantage of the situation. As a matter of fact, since rape is defined as sex without consent, having sex with someone who is drunk IS RAPE. By law, if a person is intoxicated or drugged, they do not have the ability to give consent.

If a girl wears sexy clothes on a date, it means she wants to have sex.
Girls often dress to look attractive for a date, but that doesn’t mean that they want to have sex with them (or anyone else, for that matter). It is impossible to determine what a girl wants to do – sex or any other activity – based on what clothes she is wearing.

Rape is sometimes the victim’s fault – in some circumstances.
It is NEVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, the victim’s fault. Without consent, freely given, a sexual act is rape, and it is against the law.

If a woman goes somewhere alone with a man that means she wants to have sex with him.
Sometimes it’s nice for a girl to be alone with her date. It’s easier to talk, and find out what the guy’s really like. They might want to see how they get along together without their friends around. This may even mean going in to a bedroom. But that doesn’t mean the girl wants to have sex – it only means that she wants to be alone with him.

If a guy spends a lot of money on a date, the girl “owes” him something in return.
People date because they like each other. They want to spend time together. Dating isn’t like a business deal. And sex is not something you pay for. A guy and a girl may have sex after a date. But it should be something they both want to enjoy with each other. (Sex with any individual under 18 years old is considered “statutory rape”, whether consent is given or not, and is against the law.)

The majority of reported rape incidents are false accusations. What’s to stop a girl changing her mind and saying it’s rape the next day?
It is very difficult for a victim of rape to come forward and report it, so it is extremely unlikely that reports of rape are false. As a matter of fact, FBI statistics say that false reporting of rape is like any other crime, approximately 2-4% of cases.

If a girl is flirting with a guy, that means she wants to “go all the way.”
Everybody likes to flirt. Half the fun of a date is flirting. And the reason you date is to see if you two like each other. But deciding whether you’ll have sex or not requires consent by both people. Consent is defined by the law as an agreement made without pressure, manipulation or intimidation. Otherwise, it’s rape.

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Rape Trauma Syndrome

Sexual assault is an extremely traumatic experience, leaving survivors overwhelmed with a mixture of emotional, psychological and physical distress. Rape Trauma Syndrome is the term for the pattern of symptoms that a survivor goes through as they progress through their healing and recovery. (It is actually a specific form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, experienced by many war veterans and others who have experienced trauma.) Every individual responds differently to a sexual assault; there is no wrong symptom, or experience, if you have been assaulted.

There are three stages of Rape Trauma Syndrome

The first stage of recovery occurs immediately after the assault, but may last several weeks. Survivors may experience shock, fear, anxiety attacks, anger, guilt, disbelief, humiliation, numbness, difficulty concentrating, flashbacks, and confusion. The physical symptoms may include headaches, stomach pain, fatigue, rashes, clamminess, appetite change, and nightmares.

During the second stage of recovery the survivor has outwardly resumed their “normal” life, but still experiences symptoms of the first stage. Some survivors never heal beyond this stage, either denying that the assault had any effect on them, or openly and frequently expressing sorrow or anger. Additional symptoms may include dropping out of school, not participating in former activities, fear of being alone or being in crowds, and not being able to sleep. Although on the outside the survivor appears to be back in control of her life, the effort of constantly repressing the event is actually what is dominating her life.

The third stage of recovery is where the victim becomes a true survivor. The assault has been accepted as an event that is part of her life experience, but no longer dominates her life. To get to this stage, it is extremely helpful to talk about the experience, either in a support group, with a counselor, or other trusted adults. Call us here at DVSAC for times, dates, and overview of our services: 530-272-3467.

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Relationship Bill of Rights

  1. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
  2. I have a right to follow my own values and standards
  3. I have the right to say no and not feel guilty.
  4. I have the right to experience and express my feelings.
  5. I have the right to feel safe.
  6. I have the right to take time for myself.
  7. I have the right to change my mind.
  8. I have the right to ask for what I want.
  9. I have the right to ask for information.
  10. I have the right to make mistakes.
  11. I have the right to do less than I am humanly capable of doing.
  12. I have the right to be me and feel good about myself.
  13. I have the right to leave conversations with people who make me feel put down or humiliated
  14. I have the right to act only in ways that will promote my dignity and self-respect.
  15. I have the right to feel scared and say “I’m afraid”.
  16. I have the right to end the relationship.
  17. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.
  18. I have the right to expect honesty from others
  19. I have the right to all of my feelings
  20. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgments, or any reason that I choose.
  21. I have the right to change and grow.
  22. I have the right to be happy.
  23. I have the right to make friends and be myself around people.
  24. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
  25. I have the right to both experience and let go of fear, guilt, and shame.
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